Friday, February 28, 2014

Friday Extra:
Man Victim of Pet Dog Turned Canine-Vampire

OMAHA - Barry Murphy returned home after a routine dental tooth extraction to become the latest victim of a canine-vampire feeding. Neighbors reported seeing the owner greet his friendly pooch with his usual, 'Hello Jolly-Bumpkins!' before proceeding to get down on his hands and knees to be at the dog’s level. Apparently that's when Jolly took a greater than normal interest in the Barry’s face. What happened next shocked neighbor Jim Palmer.

"Jolly was sniffing Barry's face intensely for a minute or so. Her tail was wagging and everything, but she wouldn't leave his face alone. When Barry turned to tell me about blood pooling in his mouth from a tooth extraction, it was too late. That’s when I saw the extended vampire-canine fangs come out and dig right into Barry’s jugular,” said Palmer.

“It was awful. Just awful. Barry was yelling, ‘Whoa girl, easy there Jolly Bumpkins!’ and ‘How about a tasty rawhide treat?’ -- but Jolly wanted nothing of it. With a snap, a rip, and a slurp-slurp-slurp, all that that remained was a bloody mess and one fat, but happy dog,” Palmer reported.

Experts confirm that cases of Canine Vampires (canis lamia) are on the rise.

If you suspect your pet dog is a canine-vampire:
Replace Alpo with raw stew meat
Organic pig blood.Whole Foods ($38/gallon)
Breed goats
Consider Doggy Day Care when having your dental work done

No comments:

Post a Comment