"Presto!" A roaring bear would pop out of Bullwinkle's hat.
I thought of Bullwinkle during this past Wednesday night's group ride, as we rolled through Boyer's Chute in 40°F temperatures and 30 MPH wind gusts. Moments before, Fred had asked me if I was going to perform a magic trick with the "Magic Gloves" that I had just purchased a couple miles back at the Ft. Calhoun gas station.
Magic Gloves, or so they're called, are those inexpensive stretchy-knit mitts you can get at Walmart for $0.99 a pair. Or, if you happen to be in a group ride that stays clear the hell away from a Walmart, you can get yourself a pair at the Ft Calhoun gas station at 200% markup.
But as giddy as I was about my warm hands, I wasn't about to pull a Bullwinkle type magic trick on Freddy and the peloton. But if I did, I imagine it'd go something like this:
"Hey Freddy, watch me pull a rabbit out of my helmet."
"Again?!" Fred parrots along, somewhat irritated at how contrived the whole thing is.
"See? Nuthing up my sleeve" I continue, tearing off an arm warmer while pedaling no-handed on deep dish racing wheels in a 30 MPH crosswind. And let's not forget about those enormous expansion joints along Hwy 34, either. Oh no, I say my line and rip off my arm warmer while bunny hopping those cracks no-handed with such ease and grace that it would even make Mark Savery blush.
Ahem, as I was saying...
"... Nuthing up my sleeve"
"Presto!" and suddenly
Happy Friday everyone. Thanks for reading.
Bullwinkle pulls four animals from his hat here. Spoiler: none is Paul Webb.