Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Wish for Christmas

The elderly of Council Bluffs are in need this season.

Yesterday, the Real Wes J and I were out riding the CB trails during the lunch hour. At 22F, it was brisk outside, but bearable without much wind. Anyway, on our return trip, we exited the Manawa trail, went through a CB trailer park and continued west along 34th Ave to connect to the Riverfront trail. As we approached 24th St, we moved to the turning lane to allow a car to pass. A second car suddenly pulls in behind us in the turning lane. This car's driver was impatient and was getting really close to our bicycles. With a car in the center lane, and this one now behind us, we had nowhere to go. Fortunately, at the traffic signal, we were able to give way to allow the car to turn right.

As we made way for the car to pass, the driver of the vehicle, an old woman, rolls down her window, points to our bikes, then the sidewalk, and opens her mouth:

Granny: There's a place for that

She's not at all happy that we were holding her up from very important business.

Now it was my turn to open my mouth:

Me: What's your hurry, lady? Did you leave your iron on back home or something?

She merges her fat Buick into traffic, then sticks her bare hand out the window and extends the middle finger.

I was flipped off by somebody's grandma.

But rather than be bitter, I chose the higher ground and offered a plea for help. So I got out my Big Chief tablet and scratched out the following note:

Dear Santa,

Times are bad, especially for an elderly woman of CB this Christmas season. Could you kindly provide a new clothes iron for her? It doesn't have to be deluxe model, just one equipped with an auto-shutoff feature.

And while you're at it, how about also throwing in a nice pair of Isotoner gloves? That way, she wouldn't have to suffer the indignity of frost bite on her middle finger after giving the bird to another cyclists who asks her if she left a major appliance on -- like her oven -- while every timber of her house is consumed in total fire loss.

Times are bad, but I know I can count on you, Santa. Thanks in advance for bringing good holiday cheer.