Monday, January 19, 2009

Body by M.A.T.

Cut the fat and sculpt yourself into a svelte new you in just twenty minutes a day with the revolutionary Multimodal Activity Training (M.A.T.) system.

Here's the amazing story of how I, Steel-Cut, developed this extraordinary fitness regimen without the necessity of buying expensive fitness equipment made from space-age polymers. In fact, all you need is an ordinary pair of running shoes and your gym clothes! How's that for a clever achiever?

Everyone is busy. With responsibilities at home and work, who has time to workout anymore? Well, the secret in the MAT system is that you actually use a portion of your work commute time for personal fitness. In doing so, you not only save time and money, but you literally shape yourself into a new you while commuting to/from work.

With Body by M.A.T, it's as easy as one, two three!
1) Plan your route with the high tech MAT Trip Planner
2) Leave the car at home! Get to work by carpool or bus for $1.25.
3) At the end of the workday, change into your fitness gear and take the bus for a portion of your ride home. Now here's the important part: GET OFF THE BUS BEFORE YOUR NORMAL STOP. Proceed to walk or jog lightly home. Try a mile at first, then gradually increase the distance each week.

You can also bring your bicycle on the bus and increase the distance of your commute. One day, you may even decide to forgo the bus altogether!

When I was a kid, I was so skinny from riding my bike around town that I had to run around in the shower just to get wet. But later in life, I swallowed a lot McRibs with my aggressions. So I began working out. More Later, I found that I hated weight lifting and switched to racing bicycles. Even more later-er, I discovered that I really liked golf. So I let things go again and was beginning to wonder if John Daly and I were separated at birth. My wife noticed, too, because she said that she had a secret thing for chubby guys. And you know, I could tell that my wife was really liking me more. So life was great. I was fat and happy. Wait -- what is this about? Right. Anyway, so it was about that time that I noticed in a photo that I could no longer see that freakish vein in my neck. In fact, my neck looked like a stuffed sausage (which only woke my hunger). I decided to do something about it. Yeah, I heard about this Body by M.A.T system. I thought like, how stupid. Nobody takes the bus, right? But I tried it and went from chubby hubby to ripped in one session. Yes, I'm on the bike again, but I'm crushing whitey with the big stick, I've got extra energy in the evening nudge-nudge-wink-wink and I'm like inhaling McRibs faster than they can stamp 'em out. No regrets. And so I say, "Thank you Mr. Steel-Cut, Sir!" (now I want my two dollars) --F.H.

With anything related to FH, YMMV

So there you have it folks, a satisfied customer. Get out there and give it a try.

Next week: bus-bench crunches


  1. I did not see this guy at the Pool this morning. He would have left a wake to follow. I enjoyed it in the slow lane. He made me swim some butterfly. I will be back tomorrow. I am also riding today so I am on a fitness tear. Do you guys ride from the UP Building? I recall a blog about riding at lunch. I am only 2 minutes from the bridge and now that it is open are you guys riding at lunch. I have to ride some at lunch.

  2. I think I know FH. I used to work with him on a couple of different teams. I had no idea he was so ripped.

    So, Steel-Cut... I know operators are standing by, and this is a limited time offer, but what will I get if I call now?

  3. Yes, and what comes with the, "But wait! There's more!"

    Another golden nugget produced and directed by Mr. B. Murphy. Quite hilarious. Especially about the freakish vein in Fred's neck part. I always noticed it, but never mentioned anything about it. I was afraid it would attack me. Kinda like George Hincapie's leg veins.

  4. Johnny: There's usually at least one guy (hi Wes!) that rides during lunch hour. Johnny: meet Wes. Wes, Johnny. Wes and company leave the building's main entrance (Douglas St) at 11:45 AM and ride into the wind for about 30 minutes before turning back. Send me a note to brady dot murphy at gmail dot com if you'd like to get something more formal setup.

    Thanks BB. I've used the system quite effectively for two years now. In fact, I WAS SO IMPRESSED I BOUGHT THE COMPANY!

    Scott: yes indeed, operators are standing by. Call 402-341-0807 to sign up and receive your own 10 ride pass and MAT starter kit with colorful system maps and routing materials for the ultra-low price of $25. But hold on! If you're among our top callers, we'll send you another 10 ride pass absolutely free! That's two 10-Ride passes, colorful system maps and routing materials all for the low price of 25.00!

    Munson: Maybe FH and Hincapie were separated at birth. I wonder if the vein institute does procedures on necks.

  5. OK. I have a more recent photo illustrating the long term effects of the M.A.T. Program.

  6. Wes and I went today at lunch and plan on getting out most days this week, a little sun would have been nice. My making it depends on the travel schedule.

  7. "It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger

    Um. Is that me or you? Seriously. The flabbinator with that head & goiter popping out the side of the neck is so distracting I can't tell. Maybe we were separated at birth. Scary.

    I'm running over lunch today, Shim. Hi Wes.

  8. You need to pitch this to MAT.