I Ride The Bus

Some time ago, I wrote a primer to riding the Metro Area Transit (MAT) bus. While I believed I was offering this advice as a benefit to the community, I was in fact fomenting an attack against good old MAT. At that time, I confess that I didn't have much bus brio. I offered few of its virtues as I skewered most of the experience.

It seems that in the Big 'O, the perception exists among the public that riding the bus is like, well, so proletariat. For example, the other day this guy was telling me about how he's commuting to work by bike to save money and the environment. When I asked him if he's considered riding the bus, he literally burst out laughing and scoffed, "The bus? No way, man. I don't ride that thing."

Poor MAT.

So now I'm turning over a new leaf and am actively promoting the bus as viable alternative to driving to work as a means to save money while reducing impact to the environment.

Since that last posting, I've come to appreciate these items:

1) Buses are to be fitted with Bike Racks. As part of the new Omaha-Council Bluffs pedestrian bridge, money has been ear-marked to retro fit buses with bicycle racks. Sure, you're not likely to drop your $10K Serrotta TT bike off on that rack, but an option for the budget commuter. Suddenly, the bus becomes more publicly accessible with a bonus of some exercise. Good job, MAT!

2) Federal Tax dollars at work. MAT receives federal grants to offset the purchasing of equipment, maintenance and fuel. This past year, they received a grant to purchase new buses. New rigs cost around $250K each. Rather than buying new, the administrators decided to apply the funds toward refurbishing the old. You know, the grand make-over. I can appreciate that after re-making Old Yeller. To this end, MAT had the 1994 series buses stripped down to their frames, fitted with new engines and transmissions, new flooring, seats, glass, and completely remade external paneling. All this for around $80K per bus. Apparently, the Transportation Department was initially hesitant at funding these refurbs, but we're converted after flying a couple of the feds out for a personal tour and ride. Now that's what I'm talking 'bout, MAT!

3) Save money through Park & Ride. For example, parking downtown costs $40 to $120 per month. That's on top of high fuel and maintenance expenses. A year's worth of these savings easily justifies the purchase of new riding gear, equipment or even a new bike. Slap me some skin, MAT!

4) Enjoy the ride and feed a neurosis. Avoid the driving hassle while reading a newspaper, catching up on google reader or feed a new compulsive habit of spotting buses. From what I've been told, there are 171 different buses to see and ride in Omaha alone. And since I started keeping a tab nine months ago, I've ridden only 64 and spotted an additional 21 of that count. With these results, I'm bound to be entertained by this very low grade amusement for years to come.

So there it is. Let it be known that when I'm not running nor cycling to work that I am one satisfied customer of good old MAT.

Primer to Riding the MAT Bus

10) Get Route and Schedule
It's available online and MAT will even send you free publications of the routes.

9) Be Early
Expect to wait at the bus stop. It's usually only a few extra minutes, but be especially prepared for long delays on Fridays, holidays, extreme weather and when Hanna Montona is in town.

8) Know the Fare
$1.25 for regular, $1.50 for express. A book of ten rides for $12.50 and an unlimited monthly pass for $40 can be purchased at local grocers. Transfers are a dime. If paying with cash, have exact change.

7) No Food or Drink
Also no radios, boom-boxes, weapons, etc...

6) Before Sitting, Look Down
Watch for bodily fluids and other bio-hazards. It's complement is rule #3, and both are dandy to keep in mind when riding the MAT.

5) Pay Attention
Just don't act like it. Among other things, you'll find out who's sleeping with who, how much it costs to get a handgun out of hoc and who's up for parole.

4) Don't Fall Asleep.

3) Did You Drop Anything?
I left a pair of black leather gloves on the bus once. I loved those gloves. I called MAT to check the lost and found the next morning. To my utter shock that there's actually a decent person in the world, I was told that a pair of gloves had been turned in from the same bus. I nearly dropped everything to rush over and pick them up. Thankfully, my wits quickly returned. I asked to have them described. The voice at the other end replied, "They're bright neon-green and it appears as though the finger tips have been burned off."

2) Avoid Eye Contact
I nearly got the crap kicked out of me while riding the St. Louis BI-State system back in high school. One day, while seated in the back, I was just as happy as I could be --it was a warm spring day, the tulips were blooming and all of that wholesome goodness was in the air. My eyes drifted then settled on another passenger. I noticed that his mouth was moving rapidly, but I couldn't hear him over the roar of the diesel engine. As the driver let off the accelerator, I asked, "What did you say?" Again, lips flapping. I couldn't make out a single word. The bus coasted as I said, "I didn't catch that - whatcha say?" White noise and lots of teeth was his response. Communication was futile. Finally, somebody pulled the stop cord. As the bus slowed, I asked one final time, "What was that?!" The bus stopped. It was quiet enough to hear the birds singing outside. At that same moment, he opened his mouth and delivered these words: "DON'T YOU F***ING LOOK AT ME YOU MUTHA ..." and so on so forth. Man, he liked to use the F word. A lot. He went on and on, cussing me out while the other passengers feigned indifference. Fortunately, he exited the bus at that stop. I can still recall how my heart was pounding while my friend Todd shook from contained laughter next to me. As the bus shut its doors with an exaggerated sigh, I vowed to never look another passenger in the eye.

1) Fear the Bus Driver
The driver is the sole authority on the bus and what they so goes. They are like a god over their domain. Respect that and everything will be fine. So while a friendly greeting to them is nice, it's not necessary. Just make sure to have the exact fare ready and move along. Never question their judgment.

I arrived at the stop early one day this past spring. It was a good thing I did because I almost missed catching the bus. The impatient look on the driver's face struck deep fear in my heart. I averted her eyes by looking down and quickly paying the fare. Most days, the driver waits until you're seated before accelerating. Not this day - she hammered that accelerator as soon as I had paid. The bus lurched and jerked as it weaved in and out of parked cars and raced to the next stop. Finally, we came to a squealing halt in front of an unmarked stop: Petit's Bakery on 16th and Cass. We all watched as she leaped out the door and scurried inside. And there she stood at the end of a line ten-deep, waiting for glazed donuts. I could have walked the remaining four blocks to work faster than the bus would now deliver me, but I was too paralyzed by fear to move. There was no way I was going to disrespect the driver by stepping off the bus. She returned five minutes later and climbed into her seat. The door whooshed shut. An uncomfortable silence and blank stares followed. With a mouthful of glazed donut, she then called out, "NEXT STOP, 16TH AND CAPITOL!" A master of her domain.

Another One Rides the Bus

When I'm not commuting by foot, cycle or carpool, I take the MAT bus to and from work. Good old MAT. Awesome!

By now, you've probably figured that I have a slight tendency toward neurotic/obsessive behavior from time to time. Scratch-scratch. I tried to weed that undesirable trait out of my life years ago, but it just turned into a downward spiral of obsessing on obsessing. So I gave up on trying to root it out and just let it be. So, I'm a nutjob; tell me someone who isn't.

Instead of struggling, I enjoy making healthy concessions to my neurosis. One of these happens to be in taking a log of every MAT bus ride I take. I record the bus number, date, route, and comments about its state of cleanliness, disorder, etc.

I should note that this logging trait runs deep in my family as I picked this idea up from Murphini, who diligently logs every business flight he takes. Thanks, Murphini!

While I've been riding the bus for nearly seven years, I started taking a log only a few months ago. Here's some highlights of what I've recorded so far:

I've ridden 46 different buses at least once

Most rides on a single bus: I've ridden two buses 6x each (2015, 2016)

Nearly one of every five has at least one cracked window (2004, 2011, 2015, 2016, 2022, 2030, 2034, 8022, 8041)

About 5% have advertising on the exterior

Two have multiple cracked windows (2011,2014)

One had a broken Air Conditioner (8026), which made for an interesting ride one hot summer day. The smells were extraordinary!

My personal favorites are the #9500 series. MAT picked up these rigs this past summer for a total of $100,000 at some sort of used bus auction from Gainsville, FL.

These buses are a sensational delight. They come in a rainbow of colors: green, blue, red, yellow even mauve. They have exotic fabric patterns & colors on the seats, resembling a cross between where the Brady Bunch meets Miami Vice. Groovy! The fabric itself is this heavy industrial grade poly-blend of recycled automobile tires. But take note: MAT is not responsible for friction burns.

They also have this funky mildew smell, warmly reminding me of summer vacation motels. Breathe deeply. Hold for four seconds. Exhale....

While I've ridden 9502, 9507, 9508, 9514, 9516 and 9517, last night's ride on #9506 has been the best till date. 9506 has a navy blue exterior and a warm peach floor to ceiling interior with maddening orange, red and blue swirly-patterned seats. But what I liked best about it was the sound. An audiophile's dream! If only George Lucas could have recorded this bus for his pod racers. It was amazing. It begs one to wonder, how does a transmission get racked enough to sound like that?!

Indeed, the 9500s are a superb sensual experience, with vibrant pleasures for all the senses.

Yes, I love riding the MAT. Not only a great public transport service, it also provides wonderful entertainment and a healthy channeling of a trait I gave up dropping long ago.