Rituals

While lurking on Facebook recently, I spotted this update by Sean Craig.

Looks like Sean's pre-ride ritual order got jumbled up.  It made me wonder if anyone has ever put their contacts lens in after applying Mad Alchemy's Madness embrocation.

Yowchy!

Sorry in advance if this is too much information, but I'm not a Assos/DZ Nuts/BodyGlide chamois cream user. It's not that I haven't tried it before, but generally speaking, I just don't chaff down there. Even on long rides. I suppose if I did, I would use the junk, because nobody wants to be all numb and stingy, especially down there.

Still, it makes me wonder: do those who do use the stuff apply it every time they ride? Has it become some sort of ritual to just slap some of that grease on the undercarriage beforehand, regardless of the anticipated ride time?

Or, do some only use it on rides longer than say 30/45/60 minutes? What's the threshold?

One of things I don't like about cycling is all the pre-ride stuff that has to take place before one can actually ride their  bike. Mine goes like this: put on bibs, jersey, socks, shoes, cycling cap, helmet, sunglasses, sunblock, gloves, water, food, phone, money, ID, check bike's tire pressure & saddlebag (tools, pump/air, inner tube). That's a lot of to-do before clipping-in.  I suppose adding chamois butter at part of that ritual wouldn't be that much more effort.

Runners have it much easier. Because most training runs are less than 60 minutes, there's no need for the stuff. Runners simply dress and run.

Still, runners are not immune to rituals, but it's typically reserved for the distance folks. There's a guy at work -- let's call him "Guy" --  who runs marathons. Marathon runners like Guy can get friction burns on their nipples during the course of long runs.  The solution is to apply Vaseline or Band-Aides over the areolas.  But, again, I believe that nipple-chaffing occurs over long, sweaty runs. So (again) it makes me wonder: why does Guy put those pasties on before every 45 minute lunch run?  Is it because he has extra-sensitivity there, or is it due to some mindless ritual?

I've thought about asking him. It'd go something like this:

The scene is the employee locker room. It's the lunch hour and it's very crowded and noisy

Bill: Hey Shim, you doing the Taco Ride today? ... blah blah blah ...

Wesley: I've got to be back by 12:45 for a meeting at 1:00PM ...

Ed B: Are you doing Ride the Rockies again this year Brant?...

Brady: Hey Guy, why are those Band-Aides on your nipples?

-- queue chirping crickets sound effect--

No, that isn't gonna work.

I suppose Guy puts his Band-Aides on for the same reason that most cyclists put chamois cream before every ride. It's just a habit. 

While writing this, I was also reminded of another guy in the locker room who has a peculiar habit of standing naked in front of the mirror, and with one leg propped up on the sink, proceeds to blow-dry his undercarriage with the hairdryer. True story, as Fred would say.

But that one will have to wait for another blogpost, because I'm up against the deadline to get this thing posted.

Happy Friday everyone.

Taco Truck Trail

While riding the elevator at work recently, I overheard colleagues discussing the Taco Ride.  For those unfamiliar with this local tradition, the Taco Ride is a 10 mile cycling trek along the Wabash trail every Thursday night, from Council Bluffs to Mineola, Iowa. While some may do it for the exercise, most do it to socialize over cheap tacos and margaritas at a steakhouse in Mineola.

But here's the thing. The Taco Ride I overheard them talking about wasn't that one. They were talking about the new Taco Ride on Thursdays: The UP Lunch Ride's Taco Ride.

Yes, that's right. There's an upstart taco ride happening every Thursday over the lunch hour, from downtown Omaha to the taco truck at 24th and Vinton.  Come join us. We leave the UP bike rack at 11:45 every Thursday and make our way along the Taco Truck Trail to the best tacos and burritos in town.

Here's the route

Taco Truck Trail, South Approach (from Downtown)

Like the Hipster Highway, the Taco Truck Trail also follows a street's bike path to get from downtown to south Omaha.  Let's take a look at some of the landmarks along the way.

At 16th and Harney Street, the Taco Truck Trail passes a gem of Omaha: the Orpheum theater.

Not far from there, we encounter a couple other familiar land marks, starting with the beautiful Greyhound Bus terminal ...

...followed immediately by the Douglas County Sheriffs Office/Court Services Bureau at 16th and Leavenworth. Wow, who knew that's what it's called? Most folks call it by local term that rolls off the tongue a little easier: Jail.

Stay on 16th Street. You'll notice here at 16th and Martha that there's even a bike lane.

At the 16th and Vinton, veer right. You can't miss it -- it's in front of the South 'O Mexicana Meat Market...

 

... and the Vinton St. Tobaco Shop.

Just a little way down the road is another South O landmark, Louie M's Burger Lust.

Now you're almost there. While the UP lunch ride hooks a left at 20th and Vinton and works its way through the neighborhoods, you can continue to 24th St. 

From there, the Taco truck is just one block to the south, parked in the O'Reilly Auto parts store lot. You can't miss it. There's always a long line.

Here are some happy people who've wandered to the end of the Taco Truck Trail. Some even drove their cars. 

 ¿Aceptara esta AmericanExpress tarjeta de credito? 

Just be sure that when you make the trip, you bring cash. Shim may even tell you about the time I tried to pay with my American Express card.  Anyway, $5 is all you need for 3 tacos or a burrito, and a coke.  The food is fantastic. All smiles here.

Oh and a shout out goes to Ed Brown for lending me a pair of socks.

The socks were one time favor. You'll need to bring your own socks. Thanks Ed.

Prozac Nation 2.0

Had a checkup recently. Physical health is good. But the doctor sensed something not right mentally. She picked up on some anxiety, and noted that I mentioned a lack of appetite at times. I saw the her writing something on one of those pharmaceutical notepads. She tore it off and gave it to me: a prescription for Fluoxetine (Prozac). I shrugged and thought we'd give it a try. I had it filled yesterday.

The patient's name on the bottle: Emmylou. I should mention that Emmylou is my dog and the vet wrote the script when she had her shots updated last week.

Crazy.

Technically, Fluoxetine is not a drug for the crazies -- you'd need something a stronger like Thorazine for that.  Prozac is an selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI) that is used to treat major depression, OCD and panic disorders. Apparently, as with humans, it also does wonders on dogs suffering from anxiety related disorders.

Emmy's a very good dog. She's friendly, great around people and other dogs. She's just a little nuts. Oh, sorry: suffering from major depression, OCD or panic disorder.

Whenever I'm around, it's always been "go" time. Wherever I walk, she paces behind me, step-for-step. When I sit, she loops repetitively from the backdoor to me. She just can't sit still. She rarely naps. I used to think she was incapable of napping.  In fact, it wasn't until she was seven years old that I caught her napping for the first time. Actually, I heard her snoring in the other room and when I tried to sneak up on her to catch her in the act, the wooden floor creaked before I could get there. She stood up, shook and kicked off the pacing routine once more.

Lately, she hasn't been eating as much. She's also been moping around the house. I even hear her cry herself to sleep sometimes.

Maybe the Prozac will help?

It's been said that you can tell a lot about a person's mental state by looking into their eyes. I looked into Emmy's eyes and discovered that she's got one of those lazy eyes. But does that make her nuts? A more reasonable conclusion for a lazy eye is that she'd be slothful. We know that's not the case.

I posted this photo on Facebook and mentioned the lazy eye.  Fred pointed out that Emmy has a lazy ear, too.  See for yourself:

So I have a dog with a lazy eye and a lazy ear and is suffering from major depression, OCD or panic disorder.

If the Prozac doesn't help her, perhaps I'll end up taking it instead.

Got Any Paper?

On New Year's Day I made a resolution to do things more traditionally. It started with putting down the smart phone and focusing my attention on the people around me. Next came a pledge to not miss another birthday or anniversary without getting a greeting card off in the mail. I was also going scrawl hand-written notes to long lost friends. On real paper. I even had a grand idea of writing an entire blog post on a Big Chief Yellow tablet and sending you each a copy in the mail.

I looked around, but realized that I didn't have any good paper. So I made a special trip to buy some decent stationery and greeting cards. Paper, cards and pens purchased. I cleared my desk. I was ready.

But did I do any of that?

Nope.

I gave up on January 3rd, the day I missed getting a birthday card in the mail for my brother Matt. Sorry Matt. Sorry world. I suck.

Lots of those ideas were great. I may still do them one day.  I especially like the idea of a hand-written blog post. The best part of this idea is that it eliminates random comments from appearing beneath the post like, "Nice Blog. You wrote about a topic I like. Click here to buy Viagra".

What you see above is called comment hijacking.  Comment hijacking is an off-topic remark that results in a non sequitur. Unfortunately, regular readers of this blog practice comment hijacking too.  Shim does this a lot. His go-to comment hijack is a local musician named Charlie Burton.

ATTENTION: This blog has been hijacked. Continue reading on the fifth comment posted here.

The Hipster Highway

Bryan was pretty bummed out after the latest edition of Wednesday Night Worlds. Apparently, he was among a group of 20 cyclists that were momentarily detained at some Washington county crossroads for rolling through a stop sign. Bryan was irritated and defiant. He wondered whether they were being unfairly singled out. See for yourself:

I know of plenty of roads where cyclists don't have a bulls-eye on their backs — both for unnecessary law enforcement and idiots in pickup trucks.

Bry-bry-bry-bry BRYAN!!!

Relax buddy. You need to bring it down a notch or two.

Come take a ride with me down idyllic lane. No bulls-eyes, or idiot pickups. Just free lovin' cyclists and motorists co-existing on the same stretch of tarmac.

And best of all, its right here in Sweet Home Algomaha.

It's called "Benson Route #1 and it connects Downtown Omaha to Historic Benson.

I like everything about this bike trail but its name, "Benson Route". That's a terrible name. A better name could have been the Hipster Highway. Why? Because everyone who rides the Hipster -- Benson Route #1 is all about freedom, man.

Hang on. This one's for my dear Mom, who may not know what a hipster is. Hi Mom, the Urban Dictionary describes a hipster as:

A person in between the ages of young teenager to early thirties who wears vintage/thrift store clothing and tends to embrace the underground, indie culture (art, books, music) instead of the mainstream.

Or, in unequivocal terms, hipsters are the modern day hippie.

Anyway, somebody recently suggested that the reason Omaha's Mayor Jim Suttle created Benson Route #1 was strategic. It's not necessarily because he likes bicycles or alternate forms of transportation. No, it's more about the relocation of undesirables. Like, Mayor Suttle is some sort of modern day Pied Piper who's been tasked to shunt the hippies out of the Old Market and into Benson, where an eclectic mix of grungy pubs, coffee shops and tattoo parlors await.

Recently, I went down to check out the Old Market's hipster scene. And what I found there was true: no longer were there clove-smoking, bearded men in skinny jeans riding single speeds on the Howard Street's cobbles. Sadly, there were even visible indications that cyclists were no longer welcome there. Here's one such example:

No, I didn't see any cyclists on the sidewalk today. But nobody seemed to mind this feller on the skateboard. Tsk. Tsk.

So anyway, I set about looking for the hip clan by tracing the Benson Route to its terminus. I picked up the trail on 16th and Burt Street in NoDo.

 

A mile or so later I came upon my first distance marker to Benson

3.6 miles to Benson. By the city planner's calculation, I'd arrive there in 25 minutes. Wait, what? 25 minutes? That comes out to 8.6 mph average. When I was a runner, I could cover 5K in 17 minutes. Maybe the city planners were also also trying to drain the Old Market of runners/joggers too.

The thought of our aldermen being runner-inclusive made me happy.

See Bryan? Look what the Hipster Highway does to a guy's disposition. Smiles everywhere.

My smiled carried me through Bemis Park and past Olympia Cycles

I then rocketed down Hamilton St and past the Homey Inn...

... through the historic Country Club neighborhood

... until I arrived at the termination point: Benson

Wait a moment. Begins? This is not where the Benson Route ends, but where it begins? I was confused. Was this some sort of Mayor Suttle paradox -- like when you travel the speed of light you can see the back of your head or something?

It's a trap!

By then, it was too late, for my eyes had already come to rest on the Beercade.

The Beercade is the latest to land on the Benson strip. It's half pub, half arcade and 100% hipster nerdville. It was like arriving in heaven.

Best of all, Joust World Record holder Lonnie McDonald will be here this Saturday to flip their machine.

That's it. If you need me, you can find me at the Beercade playing the Jurassic Park pinball machine. At least until 2:00PM Saturday. Cause that's when Joust will be on like Donkey Kong. Or something like that.

Care to join me Bryan?